Aesthetics are a moral imperative.
— J.S. Steinman
I only have the VHS version and I have no VCR. I’m having a Twilight Zone “Time enough at last” moment.
Tank!
Do you ever wonder what the future will be like? Not your future. The future of everyone else. I want to see the flying car. Did I ever say I like cars? Its odd. I don’t even drive. I was out of money today. All I had was a bus pass. I don’t know if you’ve ever taken 4 crowded buses in ball-busting heat on an empty stomach for a collective 5 hours, but it is everything all the great minds said hell was: hot, uncomfortable, filled with sinners (or just being surrounded by other people), never ending, and laden with sunflower seed shells. Hell is public transportation. I miss all the great anime I used to watch as a kid. I just watched every episode of Tenchi Muyo online. Absolutely amazing and definitely written by a man. A guy who has to fight off the advances of no less than six “women” (alien princesses, 1000 year old demons, fox-eared space cops, your surprisingly youthful alien grandmother, a god/scientist that created the universe, etc.)? Tell me that’s not the dream. If I could find every episode of Dragon Ball Z online, that would be the knees of the bee. See you space cowboy…
Cows aren’t like tomatoes. You can’t stack them one on top of the other in the back of a truck.
— Me talking to forty people. I am a whiz at writing speeches. Can’t you tell?
Government. Illuminati. Aliens. Wham!
I’m listening to old AFI songs and watching Conspiracy Theory with Jesse “The Body” Ventura. I know he doesn’t go by “The Body” anymore, but I’ll always remember him as a wrestler and not a governor. If he can become a governor, who’s next? Hulk Hogan? Stone Cold Steve Austin? Wait, I got it: The Undertaker for president. Anyway, this show has given me an idea. I want to invent a conspiracy theory. I think I have all the right elements. They all seem to have a government cover up with aliens. Somewhere in there, there’s got to be a tie in with the Illuminati. They are always implicated somewhere in there. Finally, all the best conspiracies have some sort of pop culture icon that was covering something up. I’m going to go with Wham!. In the 70s the UK government was researching crop circles surrounding Stonehenge. Yadda yadda yadda they came across aliens. A young George Michael stumbled upon the base which the alien was kept and threatened to tell the papers about the alien if the government wouldn’t give him what he wanted and what he wanted was fame. So, using their Illuminati connections, the government got George and his friend Andrew signed to a record label. Thus explaining how Wham! came to fruition. Since then, George Michael has had a secret love and fascination with aliens. The hit 1984 song “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” is actually an love song to aliens. The line “Left me sleepin’ in my bed. I was dreaming, but I should have been with you instead” is a reference to alien abduction. This is good enough for now. It needs polish, but I got all the major parts down.
Conversate!
I wish I could give a Hitler-in-Downfall-esqe tirade about everything I find absolutely deplorable. The list keeps growing. Most recently the list has included bandwagon jumpers who don’t acknowledge the popularity of the bandwagon they’re gladly hitching a ride on. To those people I say “You’re awful.”. Guy who drove his Hummer like a dick and yelled at that woman in SF the other day; man who wore three piece suit with orange crocs in Fremont last week; woman who asked to use my phone on the bus then proceeded to talk on it for 15 minutes: you people are awful. That said, lesbian with child who shared umbrella with me months ago (yeah, I remember) you’re very not awful. Top tip: The easiest way to keep the trolls from contacting you is to cut the communicative lines between you and them.
I poisoned a mouse in Oakland, just to watch him die.
Faster Than The Speed of Night
Who doesn’t love cheese? Not the food. I mean things we call cheesy. They’re great. Evidence: the song Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. I don’t need to tell you how amazing that song is. I was bored so I made a “being amazing” mix cd that begins and ends with Total Eclipse of the Heart. Cheesy songs are a guilty pleasure of mine. There’s nothing by Tears for Fears I won’t listen to. Is it terrible to say “Never Gonna Give You Up” is one of my most played songs? I sometimes put my ipod on shuffle hoping for it to Rick Roll me. I wish the Pope would yell at people. Does anyone do a really good Christopher Walken impression other than Christopher Walken? Thank god for Youtube. Where else would I get my daily dose of Christopher Walken? I’ll tell you. Nowhere. I can only see the watch scene from Pulp Fiction so many times before you memorize it completely. “He knew that if the gooks ever saw the watch, they’d confiscate it, take it away. The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright, and he be damned if any slopes gonna put his greasy yellow hands on his boy’s birthright so he hid the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass…”
Black people are annoyingly real.
— Native American philosopher and racist, Dances with Daleks
It’s been months and Enter the Void still won’t leave my head alone. “Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in.”
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
I’ve caught the flu and its July. The weather has been playing tricks on me. I can’t feel my legs which is actually a good thing because my laptop gets unbelievably hot against my thighs (damn you AMD!). I was taken to Home Depot with my parents today to pick out a new paint. I could pick out any color I wanted as long as it was white. I felt like Patrick Bateman in the business card scene in American Psycho (best scene in the movie in my opinion). I recently rewatched that movie and I had forgotten how good it was. I will now refer to all closeted homosexuals who do a lot of cocaine as “part of that whole Yale thing”. I will find someone who fits that description one day. Does working make you feel like a communist? It does to me. I should feel like most capitalist when I’m working, but I don’t. I wish that I could be Richard Cory. He had everything a man could want: power, grace, and style. I used to put asterisks after song references. I should do that again, but my blogs would end up lousy with asterisks.
