Government. Illuminati. Aliens. Wham!
I’m listening to old AFI songs and watching Conspiracy Theory with Jesse “The Body” Ventura. I know he doesn’t go by “The Body” anymore, but I’ll always remember him as a wrestler and not a governor. If he can become a governor, who’s next? Hulk Hogan? Stone Cold Steve Austin? Wait, I got it: The Undertaker for president. Anyway, this show has given me an idea. I want to invent a conspiracy theory. I think I have all the right elements. They all seem to have a government cover up with aliens. Somewhere in there, there’s got to be a tie in with the Illuminati. They are always implicated somewhere in there. Finally, all the best conspiracies have some sort of pop culture icon that was covering something up. I’m going to go with Wham!. In the 70s the UK government was researching crop circles surrounding Stonehenge. Yadda yadda yadda they came across aliens. A young George Michael stumbled upon the base which the alien was kept and threatened to tell the papers about the alien if the government wouldn’t give him what he wanted and what he wanted was fame. So, using their Illuminati connections, the government got George and his friend Andrew signed to a record label. Thus explaining how Wham! came to fruition. Since then, George Michael has had a secret love and fascination with aliens. The hit 1984 song “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” is actually an love song to aliens. The line “Left me sleepin’ in my bed. I was dreaming, but I should have been with you instead” is a reference to alien abduction. This is good enough for now. It needs polish, but I got all the major parts down.
